February 14, 2013

My 10 (not so secret) secrets about marriage!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

A couple weeks from now will be 10 years since I met Tyler.  We will be married 7 years this July.  We have had a few people say that we are "perfect" together or that they wish they had a relationship like ours.  We are nowhere near perfect, let's get that out of the way.  But we communicate well and respect each other.

So being love week and all, I thought I would share some of our secrets (although most of them are pretty obvious things).

Let's call it "Mrs. Mommy's secrets to a happy marriage!"

Use a calendar.  We have a shared calendar on our phones, which has been awesome!  I am the planner and organizer of the family.  And Tyler is a little forgetful sometimes (he will admit that so it's ok that I write that).  So we put everything on our calendar so we're both always on the same page on what's going on.

Go to bed angry.  Yes, you read that right.  I think it's better to sleep on it and discuss it the next day.  We don't argue often, but obviously if we're arguing about something, neither one of us is going to change our minds that quickly.  And sometimes the more you talk it out, the worse it gets.  Sleep on it.  In the morning, you probably won't care anymore.

Don't talk about your fights on Facebook.  In other words - have a little respect for your husband.  It's amazing the things I see on Facebook.  Some of the husbands are on Facebook too and obviously see it.  Some are not so who knows if they ever hear about it.  But that is one of the most disrespectful things I've ever seen.  Yes, I'm sure your husband annoys you once in awhile.  But it's not for the whole world to know about.

Enjoy doing the same things.  We have two shows that we watch together every week.  Grey's Anatomy and Law & Order: SVU.  Plus every Badger game.  We also like to be outside when the weather is nice.  Playing sand volleyball, going for walks, or just playing out there with the kids.

Enjoy doing your own things.  He despises almost every show I watch.  I'm not into his History channel shows or Moonshiners or whatever else he watches.  I have the DVR upstairs and he has his downstairs.  And we take time to enjoy watching our shows.  I blog.  Tyler hunts.  It's important to have your separate things and time away from each other too.

Laugh.  We laugh abut the dumbest things sometimes.  We are pretty goofy.  And when I start laughing, I have a hard time stopping.  Tyler usually just smiles and watches it happen.  The snorting.  The crying.  The peeing of the pants.  Oops, TMI.

Teamwork.  We are such a great team.  Sometimes we even put all our hands in and do a little family huddle.  Kyla thinks we're crazy.  We have our few little "jobs" that I always do and he always does.  But for the most part, we both just work together.  He cleans.  He cooks.  He changes poopy diapers.  I mow the yard (except last year because I was very pregnant).  I vacuum out the vehicles.  You get the idea.  Work together!

Compliment each other.  Who doesn't love a little praise once in awhile?  Hearing Tyler say that I am a great mom or that he is proud of me are the two greatest things he could ever say.

Have kids.  Yes, I'm aware that you can have a happy marriage without having kids.  But this is my list.  And I absolutely believe that having kids has brought us closer and brought a whole different kind of love between us.

Take time after the kids are in bed to talk.  Dinner time is usually when we get to talk about our days, but it's usually filled with toddler talk.  Once both kids are in bed, we catch up with each other, talk about our days, and just enjoy some adult conversation.

As you can see, none of these things are really secrets.  We are both pretty simple and laid back.  We had several people tell us that they had never seen two people so calm on their wedding day.  We try not to stress over the little things.  And at the end of the day, we respect each other and are truly best friends.

I have no doubt that this will be us in 50 years.


  1. I love this post!

    I agree about leaving your fights off Facebook! I was told once that you should never talk bad about your significant other to others it will leave them w. a bad impression of them!

    We are the same w. TV shows, we have a few we watch together and then some we watch separate.

  2. I love this post - I totally agree with ALL of your points - question , do you use an app on your phone to share your calendar - if so, which one? And I HATE it when people air their dirty laundry on facebook and have said so many times, use facebook to brag about how awesome your marriage is, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND - just sayin... :)

  3. Love love LOVE this!! I'm right there with you on them all :) I can't believe the stuff I read on Facebook too, and often just the stuff I hear in the workplace... women totally bashing their husbands or spilling juicy details of their recent fight. I think that is just so disrespectful and demeaning, that stuff is private!!

    Jared and I had to learn that it's fine to go our 'separate ways' sometimes during the week- maybe I'm just blogging upstairs and he's watching the History channel, but its GOOD for us for sure :)

  4. Great post! That picture is sooo cute---I love little old couples hehe.

    And seriously, what's with all the public FB drama lately?! I never understand that either!

  5. Oh that is so sweet! Good tips. Some people are so dumb on Facebook, gah! I couldn't agree more: go to bed angry. Sleep on it. You might feel differently in the morning, better to have not said something you'll regret!

  6. LOVE this post!
    I couldn't agree more about going to bed angry - I've always preferred to collect my thoughts & then discuss everything.
    And the t.v. show preferances - that is SO my husband & me! I had a good laugh about that one :)
    Love your blog!