February 7, 2013

Being a yes mom

Are you a yes-mom or a no-mom?

When I decided to stay home with our children, it was because I wanted to raise them.  I wanted to be the one to teach them in their first years.  I wanted to see every milestone.  I wanted to be there for them.  I also wanted to be involved and engaging.

I have always been ok with messes.  I'd rather Kyla learn how to eat on her own, even if it means a bigger mess for me to clean up.  I let her splash in the bath tub, even if it means she gets water all over the floor.  I let her paint because she absolutely loves it, even though it means I must sit there and make sure she doesn't eat it or paint the table.  Or her body.  But I am not perfect.  I want to be a better yes-mom.

A yes-mom tries to say yes unless she has a good reason to say no.

I want to save "no" for the things that are not safe or good for them.  No, you may not eat five bags of fruit snacks today.  No, you may not draw on the wall.  No, you may not hit your brother.  I want them to understand no and when I say it, I really mean it.  If I say no and they ask why not?  Do I have a good answer?

A no-mom consistently answers no to most requests with or without actually hearing them.  If the answer is "I'm busy" or "Not now" or "Maybe later", you are a no-mom.

Kyla absolutely loves playing downstairs.  She behaves so much better down there and actually plays independently for a long time.  She would play down there all day if I let her.  So when she goes over to the gate and begs to go down there, and I say no because it's too big of a "hassle" to take her, Kase, his swing or bumbo, nuk, blanket, etc, with us, I have learned it's NOT a hassle.  Yes, I might have to take a few trips up and down the stairs.  But she is learning down there and not begging to watch Mickey.  We played down there for almost two hours yesterday morning.

I think there is a fine line with being a yes mom.  Balance is key.  I don't want my kids to think we can just drop whatever we are doing and go to the park whenever they want.  We can't read "just one more" book all night long.  But I am trying to let go a little.  I'm trying to live in the moment.  There will always be things that need to be done around the house.  But my kids won't always want me to read to them.  They won't always want me to color with them.  So I'm trying not to get caught up in the things that aren't important.

Where did this post come from?  As I've said many times before, Kyla follows me everywhere.  Including the bathroom.  And she always wants to be carried back to the living room.  Sometimes I cave.  Sometimes I tell her we can hold hands.  And sometimes I just keep walking and she comes walking behind me, tears and all.

Well, the other day, she wanted to be carried.  So instead, I got down on all fours and let her climb up on my back and I gave her a ride to the living room.  She giggled the whole way, hanging on for dear life.  Those sweet giggles alone made me want to be more of a yes-mom.


  1. Cute post!

    I *try* to be a yes mom, but I think as Raya has gotten older she has learned to take advantage more and more so I'm having to set more boundaries. It has also gotten harder with the two girls as they've gotten older, because they want me to say "yes" to different things at the same time and then there are fights--"no I can't play a puzzle with you at the same time I'm playing bingo with your sister!" haha. Oh joy :-)

  2. love this :) i hate catching my self saying not now or I'm busy. i try to have a good balance add be more of a yes mom too. at least while he is young any ways

  3. This was a great post. I def need to try and be more of a yes mom. I try, but girl it's hard. You def inspire me!

  4. I'm definitely a yes mom! I'm all about letting kids be kids (within reason) and picking my battles!

  5. I love this! I am the same, they are only kids for so long let them play, let them get dirty, let them be kids!

  6. This is SUCH a good post. Amy- you seriously are an amazing momma! I hope I'm just like you when I have my own kids!!