January 3, 2013

I'm back!

Yes, a few days earlier than I planned.  Thank you all so much for waiting around for me and for your encouraging words when I needed a little break.  It's amazing to me how people I don't even know in real life can know just the right things to say.  Again, thank you SO much!

I wasn't at a point to talk about how I was feeling before.  But now I am.  I am feeling a million times better.  For about two weeks I was having a really hard time.  I was depressed and I couldn't figure out why.  I thought maybe it was post partum depression, but thought it was strange since I had felt great up to that point.  And then one night I walked into our bathroom and it clicked.

I saw my pack of birth control pills.  I started taking them about two weeks before that.  Almost exactly when I started feeling like this.  I still thought it might be a coincidence, but I knew I had to try and figure it out.  I couldn't continue with how I was feeling.  I decided to stop taking it, see how I felt, and then call my doctor.  After 2-3 days of not taking it, there was an obvious difference.  Tyler said it was like night and day.  In those depressed two weeks, I was not fun to be around.  I knew it, but I guess just didn't care.  I couldn't fake being happy.  I was miserable all day, every day.  I wasn't excited for Christmas and wanted nothing to do with it.  I tried wrapping presents one night and stopped because I just didn't care.  I didn't want to get out of my pj's or leave the house.  The best way to describe how I was feeling was I just didn't care about anything.  I would be so exhausted, but couldn't sleep.  I would go to bed around 10:00 and lay there tossing and turning until 1:00 and then finally get up and come out on the couch and just cry.

Looking back, I probably should have called the doctor right away and got a new pill to start taking right away instead of just stopping the other one.  I got another period pretty much right away (only about 2 weeks after my last one) so I think my body is a little confused.  I'm not on a new pill yet (don't worry, I will NOT be getting pregnant), but will be trying a new one soon.  I really hope I don't have the same problem!

I know depression is one of those things that people don't often talk about.  And if you would have asked me two weeks ago, I would not have been this honest.  I felt so guilty for feeling the way I did because I have such a great life.  So many things to be thankful for.  Yet I didn't feel happy.  I had a lot of guilt about all of this.  But I feel a million times better and know I'm not the only person to go through something like this so it's important for people to know that you can talk about it.  People may not understand.  They may even make hurtful comments.  But it does help to talk about it.  And most importantly, figure out why you feel that way and how you can fix it.  I am very thankful for those of you who have been supportive.

I have many pictures and posts to come from Christmas, our trip to California for the Rose Bowl and much more!  I'm happy I was able to truly enjoy all of it!  I hope you all had a merry Christmas and happy New Year!


13 comments:

  1. Yay! I'm glad you are feeling better. Birth control and hormones are just crazy sometimes! I take so many meds for my arthritis that I just hate adding anything "extra".

    For what it's worth, I got the Mirena....it's good for 5 years of birth control but you can remove it at any time sooner and pretty much get preggo right away again. YOu should look into it. It's been great for me! No remembering to take anything ;-)

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  2. I am so glad you are feeling better... kinda scary to think that a BCP can do that to our minds/bodies. I am hesitating on whether or not I'll go back on them after having this baby, but your story does make me think twice.

    I'm sorry the experience tainted your holidays, but so glad you got it figured out and are feeling back to your old self! Happy new year!

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  3. I am so glad you are feeling better!! I just got the shot, and Chad and I could tell a MAJOR difference in my attitude for the first few weeks...I was so quick to snap at something, and I hated it! I am much better now that my body is adjusted, but it was not fun. I can't imagine the feeling of depression from such small pills. :(

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  4. I'm so happy you're feeling better!!

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  5. Glad to have you back and feeling better:)

    Julie
    www.thechirpingmoms.com

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  6. I'm crazy on pills...like manic depresive nutso on pills. Comit me to the crazy ward! I refuse to take them. So , I tried Mirena. Had it several years ago & LOVED it. No reason to think different this time. Went in to check it's placement after 2 heavy periods in 3 weeks.. couldn't find it in my uterus anywhere. A CT scan later, it's in my abdomen after perforating my uterine wall. I had surgery the Thursday before Christmas to have it removed. Learned that the makers of Mirena have been sued for multi-millions by several women because of this issue. The point of my rambling, I highly suggest staying far away from anything being implanted in your uterus!!!

    I'm glad you feel better & found the source of your problem!!

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  7. I'm glad you're feeling better. I took a BC pill that made me crazy - literally, I would start screaming one minute and then break down crying another. I'm so glad I'm not on pills anymore.

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  8. Yay!! I'm so happy that you're back too!! And OMG, I think I have been going through something similar. I have not felt right since going back on my pills recently either! But no way am I getting a Mirena or any other IUD at this point. Welp, guess I'll just have to move into the convent ; )

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  9. I've been thinking about you so much and I'm SO GLAD that things are getting back to normal and you figured out what was causing everything. Can't wait to hear about your Christmas!

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  10. I am so happy to see you back, and even more happy to know you figured everything out! Knowing and doing something about it makes all the difference in the world!

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  11. Welcome back!! And I totally understand the depression! I take pills for my anxiety and if I skip I'm a hot mess!

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  12. Glad you are back & feeling better!!! Missed your posts! :)

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  13. Glad you figured out what was making you feel so funky! I have struggled with different BC options in the past. My current favorite is Mirena. But my favorite is when I wasn't on any at all. Unfortunately, that's not possibly currently. Don't want to risk #3!

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