November 3, 2012

Imperfections & My Weight Loss Goals

Sometimes I write blog posts but don't publish them.  This blog is like a diary for me.  One that the whole world can read.  So sometimes I need a private diary.  So I write, but don't share.  This is one of those posts that I wrote thinking I wouldn't share.  But here I am ready to click the publish button.  I'm putting myself out there.  Admitting some faults.  Nobody is perfect.

Sometimes I struggle with this whole blogging thing.  Actually it comes down to something I struggle with in life in general.  I care too much about what other people think.  There are things I want to write about on this blog, but I don't because I know there are people reading this that I know in real life.  Family.  Friends.  Friends of friends.  I guess I don't want to share certain things with them because I care what they think.  And I don't want them to know certain things.  Or think a certain way about me.  But my blogger friends that I don't know in "real life" don't judge me and they aren't going to bring something up that I wrote on this blog next time I see them.  They aren't going to talk about me behind my back because of something I shared on here.

Another one of my faults?  I am one of the most indecisive people I know.  Just ask my husband or my mom.  It's like I know what I should do, but I just need someone to confirm it for me.  My mom and I were at Party City and I couldn't decide on a Halloween costume for Kyla.  I knew what I wanted, but I needed my mom to make the final decision for me.  Or I'll ask Tyler if we should give the kids baths tonight or wait until tomorrow.  Such a stupid thing, but I need Tyler to make the final decision.  I am always asking for their opinions even though I know it shouldn't matter.  I will ask Tyler what I should wear.  Or if what I'm wearing looks ok.  Even though he says yes the first time, I'll ask him again to make sure he wasn't just saying yes to make me feel good.  Yes, I am one of those people.

I think all of this comes down to me being self conscious.  And right now (the reason this post was started in the first place, I am extremely self conscious.  I just don't feel good about myself.  I've been in a funk the last couple weeks.  I've been emotional.  I've been impatient with Tyler.  Just a crabby wife in general.  And it all comes down to not feeling good about me.

Although I don't think it all has to do with my body and weight, I think that's a lot of it.  I really didn't go through an emotional time right after I had Kase, like I did with Kyla.  But I think it's hitting me now.  It's crazy what having a baby does to you.  Physically and emotionally.

So here I am on November 3, 2012 officially starting my weight loss journey.  I decided to jot down a few goals for myself.

1. Lose 10 pounds by Christmas
2. Lose another 10 pounds by May
3. Work out 4 times a week
4. Only weigh myself on Friday's

I will lose the weight.  I will get back in shape.  I will get my body back.  I will be confident again.  And then I can look back at this post and be proud of myself.  Proud that I carried and gave birth to my two beautiful babies.  Proud that I am a good mom and wife.  And I will be happy.  Ok, just needed a little pep talk to myself.

I am publishing this post because I write this blog for me and it doesn't matter what other people think.  I have an amazing life, but I am not perfect.  I have insecurities.  I am human.  And I know there are a lot of other mom's that have probably been through the same thing.

Although I am not all about the numbers, I think it's important to set goals for myself.  My main goal is to feel good about myself and be confident.  But I also need something that I can actually measure and keep track of.  And if I reach the goals above, I know I will reach the end goal.  A happy Mrs. Mommy! 


 

15 comments:

  1. Hi, Amy, I saw your guest post and loved it.

    I am a great=grandmother, gone thru having 2 kids, 10 grands, 1 great-grand and another on the way. I think we ALL have gone thru the things you talked about in this post. Bless your heart...hang in there and lots of good luck on your 20 lb weight loss. I need to loose it, too.:)
    I am also a new follower...come see me when you can.

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  2. hugs mama!

    I am one of those that cares what people think and always ask Brad for his opinion on things, its something that cant easily be fixed and it sucks.

    And people that aren't moms don't get the emotional thing at all! Its hard to not let things get to you!

    You can do it and even though we don't live close, I am here to support you

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  3. I think *everyone* goes through this, especially after a baby! A couple months after having Brielle I started "operation swimsuit" lol....with many of the same goals as you. I really think that no matter what size someone is to begin with, after having a baby we all feel this need to get our bodies back! Not to mention all the crazy after pregnancy hormones lol.

    And I agree about blogging. I like that people I know read my blog, but at the same t ime I often write posts without thinking about that. And then it's really strange when I talk to someone I know and they suddenly start mentioning things from the blog---I always have a moment of panic like "oh my god, what all have they read?!" :-)

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  4. Amy! You are BEAUTIFUL. :) just remember that.. you can so do this girl. We all have our faults, and I only respect you more to put it out there like you just did. Go you!

    :)

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  5. I feel the same way! I'm the most indecisive person there is, and would rather that other people make the decisions for me.

    Those sound like good goals, you can do it! I'm really finding it hard to stay away from the scale.. my weigh-in day is on Sundays, but I'm on it every day.

    And I always believed that what's in a blog, stays in a blog.. it's a place to vent, and let your feelings flow. :)

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  6. Miss momma- you are beautiful inside and out. I know we've talked some about not knowing what to share on here, and I respect you so so much for putting this out there. I've just started a weight loss 'lifestyle' change of sorts and have a similar blog post in the works. We can motivate each other :) I one million percent understand not being confident in the way you look... but we BOTH should be! HUGS girl ;)

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  7. You can do this! I too just re-vamped some personal weight loss goals. You seem like a woman who can do ANYTHING that she puts her mind to!

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  8. We have way to much in common on this past ;) first of all, the blogging. I feel the same way. Sometimes I really want to blog about something, but can't because certain people read my blog. Its a weird feeling really.

    And about the needing reassurance thing. I'm one of those people too. I hate it. But I have to have someone agree/reassure me on every little thing. so your not the only one.

    As for your weight loss goals, you can do it!! Its hard...i'm in that boat right now. My body is no where nearpre baby, and its depressing. No matter what anyone says. But you sound so set and ready, you will rock at those goals!! And please blog more about your journey. You will become inspiration for lots of other mommas out there :)

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  9. New to blogging but totally understand!
    My blog was meant to be a way to keep in touch with family after we were moved out of the country, but has become more.
    Finding the line has been tough.

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  10. The emotional roller coaster that comes with having children is something no one really talks about or somehing you can prepare for. I feel you on ALL of this! Hugs! xx

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  11. You can do it! Just remember tomorrow is a new day, if you get off track hop right back on!

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  12. Girl, I could've written this post too. Right now. I am feeling the same way. It's so hard to make "ME" time with 2 little ones, but we have to do it and make it a habit. We will be here cheering you on! I have to set goals too, or nothing gets accomplished. Sometimes the first step is the hardest and you've already conquered that by the looks of your most recent blog post (Insanity - you rock!)

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  13. You can do it!!! You are beautiful and an amazing mama to your babies! :)

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  14. I can totally relate! Good luck and best wishes on conquering your goals!

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  15. It is good that you set goals in your weight loss journey! That way, you’d find constant inspiration in the progress you make. It all starts with proper planning. You have to take things step by step. By the way, you can also add ‘a healthier diet’ to your list of goals. It would help you lose weight and have a healthier body.

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