June 22, 2012

Worry Wart

Before I had Kyla, I was really nervous about becoming a mom.  Mostly just nervous about the unknowns:  what to do if she gets sick, what kind of eating & sleeping routines will we get in, do I have enough clothes and diapers for her, how will breastfeeding go, etc, etc, etc.  One of the things I was confident about was changing diapers.  I've done plenty of that in my babysitting days.

I knew all along I would figure things out as I went.  There are no books on all the millions of things you will need to know as a mom.  Although there are plenty of people willing to give you their advice (wanted or not), it's not the same as experiencing it for yourself.

So now that we have made it almost a year and a half, I feel like I should be confident this time around.  I'm a pro at this, right?  Ok, one happy, healthy child probably doesn't make me a pro.  But I feel like I've done a damn good job so far.

So why am I not confident and am a nervous wreck again?  Maybe because it's a boy?  Maybe because I am a realist and know that every baby is different?  Maybe because I'm spoiled rotten with Kyla and am scared that I am really in for it?  I'm not sure.

One thing I feel better more confident about is breastfeeding.  I know what to expect and I know it's going to be hard, but I can do it.  But then again, it's going to be even harder this time because I have Kyla.  She's not exactly at the age yet where I can just tell her to sit quietly and color or watch cartoons while I feed baby brother.  She's more at the age where she needs Mama's attention otherwise she's yanking cords out of the wall or pulling toilet paper off the roll and dipping it in the toilet (yes, that happened the other day).  A good reminder to not only shut the toilet seats, but to close all doors into bedrooms and bathrooms.  So even though I am an experienced breastfeeder, there will certainly be new challenges.

Although I'm confident because I know I am a good mom and I have an amazing support system, I worry.  A lot.  One of my biggest worries lately is leaving Kyla for the couple days I am in the hospital.  I cry just thinking about it.  As excited as I am to have this baby and meet my son, I want to enjoy every last second I have with Kyla while she is my only child.  She deserves that.

As the big day gets closer, I can't help but wonder:  When will he decide to come?  Will it happen like it did with Kyla (water breaking first and heading to the hospital before my contractions even started)?  Will the labor be harder or easier?  What if we're in a huge hurry to get to the hospital and my mom can't get here in time to be with Kyla?

I absolutely do not want a c-section.  But I have to say, it must be nice to know when everything will happen and have it all scheduled.  The unknown is very scary.  And after being told yesterday that I'm 30 weeks along, but measuring 34 weeks, I have a feeling I have a big boy on his way!

I think this is all normal (at least that's what I'm telling myself).  Most people probably just don't share their worries with the internet world like I do :)

In the end, I know everything will be great.  And I figured it all out with Kyla and I will do it again.  And then my next worry will be potty training, sending the kids off to school, getting their driver's licenses, etc.  The worrying never ends...

4 comments:

  1. You'll do fine! I kinda struggle when I watch Finn now, but it's funny because I don't remember struggling that much when I brought Brielle home! I think since you know there's no way around it you just dive in head first and make it work! :-)

    I was soooo anxious about how everything would play out with labor and such when Brielle came. I asked my ob for an elective induction and it helped ease my fears about 99%. Is that at all a possibility for you? My ob was totally fine inducting after 39 weeks...so we induced 4 days early and it was nice because my mom came up the night before and I was able to get everything ready and didn't have to worry about the unknowns. Obviously I may have gone into labor before then, but just having an induction date calmed me down lol. It was such an easy labor and induction too--best labor ever :-)

    Am I a horrible mom for not minding leaving my kids? I am so looking forward to our 4 day vacation in a month! Kyla will do just fine while you're in the hospital.

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  2. Oh, I can so relate to the worrying as we talked about the other day.

    I remember being pregnant with W, and I would just sit there and rock and rock and rock R, crying because I knew soon it wouldn't be just her and I and I felt bad that she wouldn't be the only child anymore. I worried how I would show my love and affection to both of them the way I had given so much to R for those first 2 years! So, just wanted to let you know I can relate.

    I wish I didn't have to have c-sections. I always dreamed of having a vaginal birth and going through that whole experience of not knowing when the baby would be coming, having your water break, etc. C-sections are rough! You are down and out afterwards and that is hard! I have visited friends after they had their babies vaginally and it shocked me how well they were doing - up and about, cheerful, etc. I lay in bed and to get out is painful. :( Sorry, not trying to complain, just agreeing with you on the vag. birth. :) It would be fabulous!

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  3. Worry is normal. You come from a long line of worriers, Grandma Tagatz was the biggest. Kyla will be just fine. Sure, she will miss you, and she will get over it. Kids are very resilient. Hope I didn't add to your worry!

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  4. Wow! This sounds exactly like the feeling I went through before I had my daughter. The bright side is..you've done this already before so yes that does make you kind of a pro. You realize that (once you have two) not everything needs to be done right away or even done the "right way."

    I was so nervous about when I would go into labor and how it would all pan out. I was scared/sad to leave my son for the first time over night(s) while being in the hospital. I was so against having a csection. I was worried that it wouldn't come natural on taking care of a newborn again. But guess what? It all worked out fine. I ended up needing to have a csection because my daughter was breech, so there went worrying about when and how I would go into labor. I made a plan for where and who my son would be with while I was away. Wouldn't you know it he got sick while I was in the hospital but there was nothing I could do, it's not like I could just leave. I made sure to give him extra love and attention before I had the baby an made sure to give him lots of it when I got home also. He didn't understand why I was gone but I could tell he was so happy to see me once I got home. (that made me feel better that I'm still his whole world) . I didn't have a choice on how I had the baby but if I had to do it all over again I would have another csection in a heartbeat. No contractions and no pushing..sign me up! Plus recovery was a lot easier for me this time around. As soon as I had my daughter, all those mothering skills that I learned (through trial and error) with my son now shined while taking care of my new baby.

    I know it's easier said than done not to worry but just know in your heart that everything will work itself out and if it doesn't it will make for future blog posts. ;) good luck to you and everything will be fine!

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